I don’t know what to do.
Do I skip college tomorrow and have the day off and try and process my thoughts, relax and try to eat something?
Or do I push my self to go to college?
so much fucking scar tissue i dont bleed
I havent’t thouched my blade in like 6 mnnths i forgot how blunt it was
I am so fucking done.
I was at my happiest when I was anorexic and had my alcohol, that’s all I need.
And hopefully it will kill me.
Why is it all coming back all of a sudden?
Why am I doing this to my self.
I kind of miss my anorexia.
Whilst it made me feel so horrible, depressed and shitty, it also gave me a sense of satisfaction, and I felt like I was constantly achieving something depending on how many calories I ate, how much exercise I did and watching my weight drop, even if it was a tiny amount. I miss that feeling. I’m starting to crave for it again.
I had the NEDA (national eating disorder awareness) symbol on my wrist. I got it so whenever I look down when I’m feeling sad/anxious or struggling to eat, it’s a constant reminder that I can recover, and I can do this.
It’s been almost a year now since I was sectioned and had to live in a hospital. I refuse to be back in that position again.